the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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