we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
