Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
