i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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