Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
