If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
