Sry I called you an 8
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
