he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
