And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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