she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.