why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
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you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just had sex on a roof
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?