turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.