He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.