Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.