She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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