Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
