Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
