My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
