I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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