It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
