I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
