apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
