every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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