According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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