your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just had sex bonerless
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
