Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
