my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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