it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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