Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
