After last night, I could never be a politician.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
