If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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