Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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