I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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