I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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