i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
