College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
