I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
