I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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