theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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