We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
