Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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