Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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