Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
