You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
