Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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