My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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