My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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