tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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