life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
