i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
