I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
