They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
