Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
