thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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