I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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