i barfeds in our rink
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
