I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
