i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if i died would you start the facebook group?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
