you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
