I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize