We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
