I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
