I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
