I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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