How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
