My Higher Power is John Stamos
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
