His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
