omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
