he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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