Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
