How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
