The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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