It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
