Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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