Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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