Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
